Pretend...

Do you know who i am
the person sitting across from you?

Do you remember who i am
not the same person you use to know

A lot has changed in the years since we met
and i am not the same person..why can't you forget?

A lot has happened in the years since then
Being pushed down and pulling my self back up
Never knowing which way was north
Falling down the rabbit hole
And refusing to admit i was done

Been tossed to the bottom trying to get back up
Every time i take a step forward going backwards..

Do you know who i am?
Not the same little girl that you use to know
So unaware of the world
Innocent and assuming the best of everyone

I know the darkness that lurks inside of people
seen it come out one to many times
been stuck on the other end of that anger and pain
I am not the same person you use to know

Will you get to know who i am..
Or are you going to just sit back and pretend?

Not what i wanted

Sorry i have not been posting as much as i have wanted to. Thursday my mother was admit to the hospital after suffering a heart attack and then had to go through triple bypass surgery... not how i wanted to spend my weekend.... So i have spent all day at the hospital with her and checking up on her and making sure she is ok- If all goes well i am going to be taking her home on tuesday but due to the sudden shock i have not been able to write as i wanted to... so i will have some catching up to do... Will post more later... Thank you all for the thoughts..

Day 5

Ok so usually i would write a poem. bu today i am just not feeling it... been kinda a...dark day.. i guess... so i am just gonna..write about what ever comes across my head..

First off.. i am going out tomorrow to apply for a new job... only been working 10 hours in the past almost three weeks....So this is not good... tying to get a two bedroom apt. is hard to do when you have no money.. so off for new jobs i go.

Been having a blast hanging out with the Art people..... they are just a blast to hang out with always have my laughing and giggling... needing to get back into art... gonna have to get new art supplys but i wanna get back into it.. see what i can do.... Tomorrow i am going to make a ducktape rose for my BF's mom... she is going in for knee surgery so i wanna make her something to cheer her up for it.. god knows i hate docs... -shudders-.. and i gotta bring him his prezzie i got him... i just feel bad cuz he's sick. :( No Buneo...but... i got nothing.. .seriously.... other then.. FANCY PANTS..... Hopefully tromorrow goes better...

Well then

I can't help but smile
when i think of you
little did i know
it was going to be you


I was taken by surprise
as this feeling began to grow
Slowly and with out knowledge
I thought i was in the dark
For i was at home by my self

But you opened the door
and let the light in
you took my hand and pulled me in

into the light and the warmth
Out of the darkness and cold
You smiled at me and took my hand
Told me it's going to be ok...
Everything will be all right again

Your the one that saved this soul
Made me smile again
made my laugh with out a care in the world
Knowing i won't be alone.. not with you here by my side

I can take what the world throws me because i know you'll be here
With a joke and a smile to make it seem less blue
Making the colors returned again

And i can't wait to see the world in color....

Past..

It's time to take a step back
and to look at my past

To look at these chains that hold me down
and bind me here to the ground
Unable to move forward
and to break the chains
The pain and the hurt
Keeping the light at bay

Each chain is a reminder
of the past i have lived
A promise broken to me
A wish left unfulfilled
A lie told to me
My heart broken in to

Each hurt forms a new chain
Each word spoken out of anger and vain
Each thing done forms stronger links in the chain

There binding me... i feel like i can't breath
I can't live like this.. i a cage
wrapped up in chains that were made
to hold me down.

So i take a deep breath.. and let go of the pain
the hurt the sorrow trying to make it all go away
The past is the past.. it can not be changed
So why hold on to the hurt why keep myself this way?

Wish each hurt i let go.. another chink falls
to the ground with a echoing thud
shattering... setting me free link by link
as i let go of the past- moving on
No longer going to be held down in the darkness of my own mind

But out in the fields full of sunshine
With the light on my face
Dancing care free...There will be no mistake

I have learned from the past, i know what to do
And i won't let me self be chained down again
Held back, i'll dance free with the chains casted off
and laugh with a smile on my face to the sounds of the bells
As i move from the past into the future...

Take two!

Ok so i realised trying to start this.. . great idea in the middle of a week was a BAD idea... things kinda went down hill and i have no been able to do it every day as i wanted...Work was screwing me over with only 10 hours this paycheck.. 10 hours! GAAA.. So angry... so guess what i am gonna do about it!

I did all the work
did everything you ask
I never batted a eye
When you told me to do something

I worked my ass off
Did all that you said
I was cheerful and helpful
Never complaining

Comeing in early
and staying late
as you took off
and left me to close

I worked 72 hours in two weeks
no something easy to do
for a part time worker like me
i did almost all the work
It was because of me that we succeeded

And yet you sit and say it's not good enough
to work harder... do more
What more can i give you?
you took my soul my freedom and my life
You took everything but it's not enough
For you or your knife

So stab me in the back again
Make sure you twist this time
To take me out of the game
But you don't realize what i do
That with out me... you have nothing
not a thing to do.

Day one

Ok so this is the first post on my writing blog.. gonna try to post at LEAST once a day if not more so... with my mind you may get more.. who knows! It's one of those.. if i feel like i there will be more and if not there will be less... it's a 50/50 with me. Now to try and write something ( seriously the hardest part so far was coming up with a name for this thing.... not as easy as it looks..) Also a lot of my stuff dosn't have titles to it... that comes later...

Now to write something.. ok hang on ( puts on writing music...) Let's see.. what we get shall we?


A new year
A new start
Time to try again
To be the person i want to be

To show the world i can get through this
The past of my life
The trials that knocked me down
Tried to keep me away
Locked in the darkness
Keeping the light at bay

Time to start again
While everything is so new
Like the snow that falls
Coating the ground
White and fresh
Reminding me that underneath the white
The ground still lives
To rise up again come back even new

I won't be kept down
to be left in the dark
I won't let it hold me down
I'll show you how it's meant to be

I'll keep walking this path
though the road is dark and winding
For i know where it will lead
To a clearing bright and full of light
To a Happiness i have only known at night

I'll walk along this path with a smile on my face
And when i am done you will see the true me
The person i am and the person i will become
With a light so bright no darkness will stay
it will be driven away- to never darken my door again.
Never able to knock me down...
Not again... not this time...